16/05/07
Lifes destroying myself alternating happiness and sadness, while a week ago I was happy now I’m weeping bitter tears thinking on the cruelty of my own destiny. If I really long for something I’ll never get it at the end, all my certainities (few to be honest) turned into possibilities and I’ve not an aim in my life anymore and having one is fundamental for me. I feel a wretched but who cares? and complaining it’s not the better things to do in this moment so I suppose I’ll have to accept things as they are smiling but wishing to cry.
Life mocks at me, my destiny’s worse than I imagined some years ago but I’ve to live counting only on my own forces since others aren’t so reliable and I should find things inside me to have the strenght to go on since outside of me is an endless disappointment.
Life mocks at me, my destiny’s worse than I imagined some years ago but I’ve to live counting only on my own forces since others aren’t so reliable and I should find things inside me to have the strenght to go on since outside of me is an endless disappointment.
17/05/07
I hate the fact people seem unable to understand the most of things, if I tell him "I dont wanna host that shit if therere too many people" I dont understand why he tells me I should do it anyway and he prefers to say that via sms and not with a phone call. I dont give a shit of them, I go there only once a week and in a particular day. If he changes my usual day and I dont wanna go for various reasons, he could replace me instead going out with his stupid friends. I dont wann be the only one sacrificing herfself fo having 14 € more in her wallet!
18/05/07
Everything is crumbling down but Im trying to find positive sides in this poor situation too, now Im glad even if I should cry since I was noticed by "Attention, fisherman on board" and he could be a good teacher for me to learn how to fish in the Rhine during my summer holiday (because Ill go to Germany, wont I HKP thats HunajaKissanPentu?). I have nothing more to say apart that Im gonna live the most relaxing weekend of all my all life sleeping 20 hours per day 
(even if I had another plan for this weekend but its world wide known I cant have what I really long for so better to quit with desiring things).
Short update (17:46). I was even noticed by an electrician whos friend of the son of fishermans boss (complicated situation), he told me "Pretty" or something like that only with the movement of his lips but not uttering any sound. Its good to collect customers before beginning your own job
(even if I had another plan for this weekend but its world wide known I cant have what I really long for so better to quit with desiring things).Short update (17:46). I was even noticed by an electrician whos friend of the son of fishermans boss (complicated situation), he told me "Pretty" or something like that only with the movement of his lips but not uttering any sound. Its good to collect customers before beginning your own job
"My hate is built on grief, a lust for revenge to ease the guilt.
A condition of helplessness where youre suffering is my only cure"
A condition of helplessness where youre suffering is my only cure"
JED, hjelp meg er du snill
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