HAT!

Im disappointed like hell, every thing I hoped in is fucked up, many sudden changes lately and Im suffering more than ever. Its not good for mental health to have suspicions and not certainities but Im a couple of things changed (things of an utmost importance, of couse) and Im suspecting a severe change in my daily life too losing everything I got. My hearts colder than ice, its temperature is about 0 K but I havent a certainity yet but I could get it soon. There were some things I really looked forward to and when it happens theres a great possibility (90%, lets say) I could never get what I want. It happened in the past and still happens now, not pleasant at all but its my stupid life and its hard to chanfe it. Even if I cant say to be sure of anything at the moment I feel everythings worse, maybe just in me but it sucks anyway.
I should begin not to give a lot of importance to people surrounding me just to avoid to be disappointed by them, unfortunately it seems quite impossible for my temper; at this point of life I dont know how much its my own fault or their one but if I were more detached from them all  Id be happier in my life for sure.
I dont believe in social relationships anymore, all the world is ruled by selfishness and prejudices; people exploit others just for a purpose: success, money, personal needs. Loves a beautiful concept but an utopia nowadays, friendships rare and the most (just not to say the whole) of mine is equal to shit. On a .txt dated 21/05/06 I wrote "Im always disposable for friends but theyre rarely for me" and "The most of my dreams, even if theyre bullshit, will remain just dreams since Im alone and Im strong enough to realize them by myself", these thoughts are more than true even an year later, nothing to be glad for!
Im more misanthropic than ever in my life, I feel wretched but not waiting for a saviour since I fed on bullshit for too much time in my life, now its time to quit with it and begin to think no-onell help me not to drown in my sea of despair!

"Destroy all dreams
illusions damned in fire!"

Vær min engel! J.E.D. 

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IISAAAAAAAAA

The greatest news of these days is I got the nice stuff my friend sent me and it was really cool, now theres a new lake here (yeah, a lake with fishes and lots of fishers coming here to fish just for sport, all clones of the one having the "Fisher on board"s sticker). Jarlesbyrd is a very pleasant song and the sixth track shows an amazing job of the aSs hehehe...
Apart all my bullshit about that packages content I must say Im really happy to find out that people dont give a fuck of my personal blog just because I use a foreign lang to write so Im allowed to use even more incomprehensible langs understandable only by 2 persons here (me and my Hunajakissanpentu, of course). Its an invite for all the others not belonging to the little group reading this (so the whole net population - 2 persons, woohoo...I studied many years for something!): Tunge se likainen kyrpä perseeseesi, if you havent a kyrpä you could use other devices as well...its not important for me, just do it.
Now its the time to tell you positive sides in sticking a jalapeno up your ass: first of all youd solve all your problems with constipation since youd shit something for sure (maybe blood or hemorrhoids, shitting in any case), you could feel the thrill just to have something hot in your ass. If the jalapeno gets lost in your game the real game begins, you could organize expeditions to rescue it and even create a sort of jalapenos RPG (where the hell is the jalapeno?), therere lots of way to enjoy its presence inside of you creating as many games as you like, youll have the freedom of choice.
At this point I know the most of those 3 people (me, my HKP and another guest) could begin to hate me for being so rude towards my little audience but I suppose its needed every now and then cause being always nice to people doesnt bring you to anything except pain [Im speaking of people not always nice to you, of course. If a persons nice is good to be nice too if not its unuseful to be like that], Im nice to friends and they pay me back taking advantages of me (dirty bastards) ignoring completely my feelings and words, no true friends after all.
But nothing to complain since I got what I longed for and Im happy like hell not giving a shit of whats wrong in my life (so my usual behaviour after all).
Waiting for the summer, I should study German since Ive almost forgotten everything about it but I confide in the fact Ive still time (even if Mays round the corner) then, if I wont be able to speak that language and even my travel mate fotgets it, were fucked up but itll be the same, the holidayll be pleasant and cool in any case.

"In restrospect I feel no anger,
just an urge for something higher"

JED

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I dritten

I dont trust anyone but me, my own life ruined me like that.
I havent any trust in other people, they caused me too many disappointments.
I read what I wrote 7 years ago and Ive found out how much Ive changed during these years thanx to many unpleasant experiences I had. Once I was a sweet girl who could feel something for people around her, now Im wild like hell and I use to hide my emotions and feelings just to protect me from the evil of this world, if I prove something its completely wrong and it has just pain and restlessness for me, like a sin even if its a positive feeling so its better to turn my heart into stone every now and then.
Then everything I dream to realize someday its destined just to be a dream for all my life, if I really desire to do something Ill never do it cause destinys against me and its ready to put many obstacles between me and my wanted goal. So its unuseful to plan anything since its all impossible to realize (and its wiser to prevent possible future disappointments).
If it happens I prove a feeling for a person I block everything just repeating me "That persons not a business of your, it already belongs to someone else and so its no good you prove something for it" and Im fucking true everytime (distressing, huh?). Life for me its just dreaming something Ill never realize cause Im not the right one, looking for something Ill never find...forever and ever.
But naturally no one is interested in knowing how I feel, this blog has the record for being the least visited website in the net (woah, Im proud of it) and I could even write about the greatest advantages you have sticking a jalapeno in your own ass, maybe Ill talk of it in the next post.
Ill go on looking for something/one able to shake my uneasiness away (but itll be a long and hard quest destined not to be successful)

"Moonlight shining in the sky
nothing more can stop my flight
Take my hand again, fly with me
thousand million miles away"

Klemm meg nå og da

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Jeg elsker deg!

Ill get nice stuff soon! A signed poster by my fav norsk band! Addressed to me directly from them...orgasm! Sture wasted a second of his life to sign something for me (and maybe being happy for that too)...It was a boring day til now, now Ive just to check my snail mail to wait for that amazing stuff and books from amazon.de (yeah, Germans dispatched them as well on saturday) to arrive. Im happy like hell and I dont give a fuck of anything wrong in my shitting life! Ill get that stuff and Im really looking forward recieving it!
Fuck off anything else! Already looking for a good site to place that great signed poster, oh my unholy god...my fav band knew about me and they spent time for this special present to give me, I love them!
But my greatest thank you goes to my great Dutch friend providing me those great things, youre the best!

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Et slengkyss

Since noone will read this post of mine I could even write about the last gang bang I took part of or my complicated relationship with strap-ons but I havent enough imagination to create such stories, Ive a large freedom of subjects to write about since none of people visiting this page reads my writing.
Just to keep a form of personal blog I should say something about myself and my present condition: its shit, everything sucks and Ive lots of disappointments everyday. Im watching life on a screen without taking any part of it and its a role I like and hate at the same time even quite distressing.
I placed an order of some books to Amazon.de (cool, theyve € and not pounds), even if Germany its closer and so on they say Ill recieve something not before 23/04, Im regretting Amazon.co.uk (fast, on time, even if using pounds) but I think its normal at the end, I ordered english books to the German Amazon site, they should fetch those books from the UK or USA and then dispatch them to me using a very fast method (a man walking from there to here); next time I wanna try Amazon.at (Austrian,for uneducated ones that could happen to read this), maybe books will take 3 months to come here ! So Ive still 200 pages before being out of books to read, Im trying to read the less I can just to finish my last book just in time when others come but its very hard since Im reading more in this period where I havent to than else.
I wrote in my pervious post that lifes a costant change and I liked it, not Ive to specify this statement saying changing is good as long as its pleasant, as soon as its not it sucks a lot and you complain thinking about the past. I think to have had an unpleasant change recently but Im not so sure and I could tell lots of bullshit (like always, I know).

Happy Easter to those still interested in Christs life (Goddamn, hell resurrect even this year!), I just take it in consideration for a possible trip Ill never do since Im lazy like hell!

"And as I draw near
The scene becomes clear
Like watching my life on a screen
(But the past resurrects
and makes the pain last)"

Jakt og fiske, Arntor, Sogndal...enveisliv  J.E.D.

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