Ønske

The best thing of life is its costant change, if I think back to my life an year ago I find lots of thing I thought important but not giving a damn about them at the present moment.
People pass how time flows: the capoeira gay guy was fundamental an year ago while he could sell his hairy ass without causing any reaction of mine now, I was completely without any friend an year ago (only lots of acquaitances but noone in particular going beyond the subtle boundary between acquaitance and friendship, maybe just one bu we didnt go out together),
now Ive friends really wanted by me...people I can sometimes rely on (only sometimes cause I dont trust anyone, suspicious like hell), I hadnt any special relationship back in March 2006 while Ive it now and I could write hours about it cause this relationships really pleasing me a lot (ur NOT boring!).
Even if many things changed and still change in my life a dates fixed: that little creature cheering me up everydays bday. So happy birthday my honey, I like you though youre sometimes slow and nolifer but thiss you and Ive to accept reality without trying to modify it (well, still hoping and fighting for what I want but not sure I could ever achieve it).
Lifes strange, my honey, I know you hoped and dreamed a differnt life from this one youre living but its in life game to accept everything, liking it or not. But life goes on and you should follow it even if something can disappoint you, happy birthday my dear think about the future waiting for you, good or bad like itll be, forgetting any barrier you could meet in your path (theres nothing unsolvable but death!).

"Memories of when we were young
Wishing so bad to be older...
...Saying hi to peoples like saying goodbye
Laughing, but wishing to cry"

Takk, min elsker...hjelp meg nå J.E.D

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Loneliness, thiss the word of today
Alone in my life, alone on the net, forgotten by friends, mocked by happiness itself.
Planning to change my life at whole cause its always the same: you give a lot not recieving anything back, all your efforts are unuseful since you think to be important for people around but youre not. So, whats the use of being gentle and nice with them? Better to be unpleasant and rude instead of trying always to help them with their problems.
I give gold and Im paid back with shit, maybe I was too disposable towards them all and they thought exploiting me couldnt cause any harm but now Im tired of this all and I wanna change this unfair path my life has taken cause I dont bear it anymore.
I propose to do many things for changing my life but itll be an hard affair since Im too good with others and changing ones own features is really hard.
But I cant bear to be considered the last while I theyre the firsts, maybe I should only change company but its not so easy for me cause people dont like me a lot.
Alone against the world, an epic fight with only one loser that itll be me (yeah, I already know I cant win but luckily Im used to lose in everything).
Fed up of the most of things, if life hates me why should I love it?
Caught in a web every now and then, thiss the meaning of my life...fearing spiders and being always caught in their webs with no possibility to fly away. Goddam, I havent wings!

08/03/07 21:30

Huge rage, violence in my veins...Id need to destroy something to calm myself down. Ignored by the world, trodden by everyone (especially friends, of course), disappointed by life. I dont want to survive in these conditions, better to close any curtain on my life but the best (and more painful) suicides method is living and so Ill go on suffering infinite pains and crying all my tears out to fill the sea, I DONT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY, I DONT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY, I DONT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY, I DONT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY! (and thiss a quotation, just guess whos the original author)

10/03/07 10:30

Worried, really worried...my hearts bleeding...
Remembering all recent words I told you, trying to find out what Ive mistaken in them, thinking and suffering at the same time but I dont wanna read that log...better to suffer with memories. Last time we talked I was a bit angry, but not with you...angry with the whole world since it seemed to ignore me. Now that everything seems solved (at least in my mind) Im only missing u a lot. Missing u cause I dont know what ur doing and where ur, I could send u an sms but I fear your reply (or your no reply), I fear you could tell me I was an asshole and you dont wanna be my Hunajakissanpentu anymore and my accounts were deliberately deleted from your IMs. I fear it a lot cause youre important for me, Im relly fond of you (and maybe too anxious in certain moments) and its strange not having talked with since Wednesday (more than 2 days...an eternity for me).
Maybe its all ok between us, nothing changed and its only something Im fancying...maybe when you read these words Im writing youll laugh realizing how stupid a person can be but its what I feel at the moment. Worried like hell, worried to have ruined something good again, worried not to be able to meet you anymore since lifes strange and when you really want something its very probable you could never get it.
Youre really important for me, if you werent I would never tell you things Ive told you and I did it not for the big distance between us but cause I think youre one of the sweetest and truest person Ive ever met in my fucking life. Id have millions things to say but better to stop here cause I dont wanna be annoying nor melodramatic...Im missing you like lungs miss oxygen, I hope its enough to figure out my present condition.
I MISS YOU!

"Here I stand all alone
Have my mind turned to stone
Have my heart filled up with ice
To avoid its breaking twice"

are u still mocking at me, arent u?

Være den mitt venn

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Daglig oppgaver

26/02/07

Rage, rage, rage! Rage for myself, too stubborn in doing things; rage for the fucking Ks dvd (if I get disappointed by it after having wasted time and mental health for it I should take the first plane for Finland just to spit on them).
Im not so friendly in this period, unpleasant like a pylon in the ass, not so funny anymore and really easy to get angry. They say its a period of life, just a wrong moment in the sea of your life but, since Im impulsive, I could ruin whats good in my existance without any problem and I dont want it (but Im still not friendly).
Whats new in my life? Nothing :)

27/02/07

Wanking my eardrums with oceans mud...woah huge satisfaction and successful production of the 2000th lake!

Today

Too many things to do today, writing here was in my schedule by 3 days already and now Im fulfilling my task. Studying something new takes a lot of time, learnt lots of new things in only a week even if Im still unable to speak it but I can ask without any problem wie gehts euch? and numbers (yeah, theyre my speciality now and then!).
Luckily Im not thinking too much about my german holiday of summer 07, fancying on it a lot could create disappointment if things didnt go as I imaginedem. But Im still looking forward the moment Ill land at Hahn and... (better not to write here all things my mind created just to not suggest them to ill-intentioned german people, am I right Hunajakissanpentu? ). Im only sure itll be a great holiday spent with a person Im fond of and Ill also have a pleasant walk to Frankfurt with  (Im naturally joking..Im mad but not so much! Id prefer to cuddle u gently for the time it could take our walk to Frankfurt)
Its all for now, Ill try to write more often in the future cause I know my silence is a bit boring but its not a fault of mine if Im living a very busy period (working for the future, chatting with my sweet rakas and occasionaly rubbing my brain hard with amazing music)

"Haluan olla sinun ensimmäinen italialainen enkeli"

Jeg er glad for alt, J.E.G. altfor mye

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